How to DEAL with Negativity

We know that negativity is a state of mind. Now where is this "mind" at again? Yes, it's within YOU.

You can't stop a typhoon from blowing across Hong Kong; you couldn't stop the volcano from erupting in Peru; you can't make sure that it'll be a sunny day for a picnic; you most probably won't be able to change how other people choose to perceive you either. There are so many things in life that you cannot change. But one thing that you can change and that you have power over is what is inside of YOU.

The First Step: Admit It

This first step is actually the first step to treating a lot of mental or emotional issues. To get rid of something, one has to take ownership of that thing first. You have to acknowledge that it is a problem to solve the problem.

Pin-Point The Problem

Actively be conscious as to when you are being negative. You could be in front of the mirror and you catch yourself saying "Oh I am such a fat and ugly slob"; or you could be with your boyfriend but thinking that he would prefer another girl you think is more attractive than you.

It doesn't matter. Once you find yourself starting to go down that Spiral of Negativity, pin it down or pick it up, and look at it in all it's ugliness. This negative thought is the problem.

THROW it Away
 

You've pin-point it and you've seen it for what it really is. It's no longer that little invisible ninja that appears suddenly and wrecks emotional havoc in the minutes or hours after it appears. You see it and you know that it's bad for you. And if something is bad for you, throw it away.

1. Consciously tell yourself to stop the thought immediately.
2. Try talking to yourself to give yourself a verbal reminder to get rid of that thought.
3. Physically do something that signifies you throwing that thought away. ie writing the thought on a piece of paper, crumpling it up and throwing it away.

Just do something to throw away that one thought. By focusing your attention on doing that, you tend to be able to forget about and ignore the cascade of other negative thoughts that will come scurrying in after that first one.

Why the thought?

Treating a symptom is not the same as curing the illness causing the symptom. You have to find where this negativity stems from.

1. Could it be something someone dear to you mentioned that affeted you?
2. A trigger word or situation that you find yourself facing which brings about such bouts of negativity each time you experience the word or situation.
3. Childhood trauma.
4. Something you came across that you thought made sense in a depressing sort of way.
5. Stress, anxiety, pain or sickness.

The list is not exhaustive. The key here is to find out what is causing the negativity and why it is affecting you so. Once you've found out the cause, take action against it.

If it is due to something that happened in the past, understand this: As of now, no one has built a known time machine that can transport you back into the past. There is no way that you can change anything in the past. The only way that you can ever function properly again is to focus on the present and future.

If it's due to something happening now then you can do something about. Get away from the thing that causes you to be so negative. If it's someone who tells you things that get you down, get away from them. If it's stress, do something to deal with the stress like exercising or hanging out with friends to get rid of the stress. If looking into the mirror makes you feel fat, hit the gym and do something about it. Just understand that if it's something that you can change, do it.

If you are one of those people who feel depressed for no rhyme or reason and after trying you still can't find out why you are this way. Talk to someone about it. If you don't want to see a therapist, talk to a friend, a teacher, a blog or write a comment here and talk to me. But in the mean time, try to actively stop those thoughts in their tracks when you pin-point them.

There are so many ways to deal with being negative. You just have to find a way that best suits you. Just remember that there is always hope and that no one can say that you have lost any battle as long as you are still alive.

Love,

MM